The Avengers

I can't wait for The Avengers to come out in May 2012. I say that not with the rabid excitement of a fanboy at Comic-Con who just caught a glimpse of Robert Downey Jr in the Iron Man suit but rather someone who's ready for Marvel to go back to making individual superhero movies void of constant reminders and winks that the superhero Dream Team movie will be coming out soon.

Due to the rise of Netflix and my own increasing frugality/laziness it's rare that I actually see a movie in theaters so I'm seeing most films at least five months after wide release but it allows me the option to pile on summer blockbuster after summer blockbuster. This is exactly how I came to watch Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, and X-Men: First Class which fully qualifies as a superhero bender. I was equally pleased with all of them but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed X-Men mostly because I was skeptical of how the origin story would hold up. I realized afterward that part of the reason I enjoyed it was because there were no countless references to the upcoming Avengers movie.

It's not that I didn't enjoy the other movies. I did. I thought Thor was very well done especially considering how difficult it is for the screenwriters and director to keep a movie about a Norse god living in a parallel dimension somewhat grounded in reality and able to live in the same fictional universe as the Iron Man and Hulk characters. Captain America was average and Iron Man 2 felt like two different movies. There was the Iron Man 2 sequel plot line and then there was the storyline Marvel clearly wanted added in as promo material for the Avengers.

It's not that this constitutes lazy writing or a cheap gimmick. (Tangent rant alert) Disney currently holds that belt for tacking on 3D technology to old animated films and regurgitating them back into theaters so the viewing public can not only pay theater prices to films they've already seen in theaters but also the public has the joy of paying an extra 4 to 5 bucks for a 3D ticket. Who can blame Disney though when nostalgia driven theater-goers put up $100 million in ticket sales to see The Lion King again? Given the success of The Lion King who knows to what movies Disney will apply 3D for re-release.

This would qualify as "rock bottom".....IN 3D!!!

But back to the topic at hand of Marvel including an Avengers recruitment story line in nearly all of their superhero movies. While I do find it an interesting (as well as unprecedented) strategy the main problem I have is that this Avengers secondary story line can become burdensome to the main story line as well as interrupt the flow of the movie. Watching Iron Man 2 was like trying to watch a movie with somebody poking you in the stomach every ten minutes saying "Did you know they're coming out with an Avengers movie?" or "Hey.....hey......hey, look at me. The Avengers movie is coming soon." It can become a distraction to the main story that the filmmaker is trying to tell. Certain movies handle the plot lines better than others. Thor does the best job at blending the two together but I wonder how much better Thor could have been if the director had been given those 20 minutes of film to better develop his characters or the main story arch. Imagine how much less of an impact the Christopher Nolan Batman movies would have if he had tried to work in Batman's recruitment into the Justice League.

I'm looking forward to seeing sequels to Thor and Captain America where there is no need for mentioning the Avengers and the movie can just focus on those individual characters. Full disclosure: I'm fully aware of how much of a fan-boy I sound like in this posting.

As I said at the beginning, I'm looking forward to the Avengers movie coming out and I'm sure it will be incredibly entertaining. But part of the fun of superhero movies is that most superheroes are a bit of an underdog. We root for them because they take on evil individually even though the chances are small that they will succeed. Grouping them together stacks the deck to the level that it would be improbable that any villain could defeat them. The suspense is removed.

If only I could put this amount of effort and brain power into studying for the GMAT.

Regardless, it will be interesting to see if America embraces this concept of high profile individuals joining forces on the same team. It's not like there have been previous examples of this that the public has rebelled against right? Right?

Not a good sign

127 Hours

I hate going to the dentist. I know it's necessary since society looks kinder upon those with teeth in their mouths. But the thought of sitting in that plastic-covered chair while a middle aged woman hovers over me perpetually telling me to open wider as she delivers mild doses of pain for 45 minutes is enough to make me circle the calendar in dread. This loathing started from an early age but there was no one driving incident to spark this aversion. Despite many years of taking candy from strangers in windowless vans, I've never had a cavity. However, if the day does come that I need a bothersome tooth removed I know that a trip to the dentist, however painful, is a necessary evil. And if I'm forced to go then I want the best and most skilled professional to do the job.

The same logic can be applied to 127 Hours. With Hollywood mired in a creative drought, it was an inevitability that the true story of hiker Aron Ralston's five day entrapment in a cave culminating in the self-amputation of his own right arm would be converted into a major motion picture. And if I, as an audience member, am going to sit on my couch (my proverbial dentist's chair) with my fluffy bunny slippers propped up on the coffee table and devote 90 minutes to this ultimately uplifting but painfully detailed account of Ralston's dilemma, then I would hope that a skilled director and actor would be at the helm.

Uh-oh

There's still a part of me which thinks that James Franco signed on for this movie partly because he misread the contract:

Franco: What's the next movie I'm shooting?

Franco's Agent: 127 Hours

Franco: Nice. That's the one where I play the guy that got all the attention for being stoned for 127 hours straight right?

Franco's Agent: No, James. He was trapped by a stone for 127 hours.

Franco: (long pause) How many of those hours was he smoking?

Franco's Agent: (lowers head onto desk, slowly pounds desk with fist)

I kid. I actually like Franco and think he's a talented actor even if he can strays more often than not toward the artsy, eccentric side. He's built a solid filmography starting with Freaks and Geeks and he seems to be able to maintain some form of self-deprecating humor. He is a likable guy who is a talented actor and that's incredibly important for this movie since this movie is basically a one man show. Throw into the mix director Danny Boyle (28 Days Later and the very underrated Sunshine) who was fresh off the Oscar-winning Slumdog Millionaire and the talent is certainly there that should make the film a success.

The key word of the last phrase was "should". The film's main flaw does not rest with the director or the acting. Boyle keeps things moving as best he can and the cinematography is phenomenal at capturing the canyons and landscape of Utah. Franco's performance is deserving of all the praise and Oscar nomination he received. With a lesser actor this movie could have descended into the realm of the unwatchable. The main problem I had was that the movie is exactly what it advertises: A man gets stuck in a canyon for five days. After an encounter with two lovely lady hikers (fictionalized for the sake of the movie) Ralston (Franco) becomes trapped in a canyon via his right arm pinned between a boulder and the canyon wall. We stay with Ralston the entire movie. There are no cutaway scenes of his family or friends slowly discovering his disappearance. We're just left with Ralston, his struggles, and as the hours drag on his delusions and hallucinations.

It is mind blowing that Ralston survived for that long with virtually no food (two burrito packets) and little water. The film received much publicity for the detailed account of how Ralston cut off his own arm as a last ditch attempt to escape. It is incredibly detailed and no one told me that he must first break his arm before he can cut it off. I'll let you guess my queasiness factor at this point considering that the thought of Ralston not being able to take his contacts out for five days was enough to make me grimace. I was also unaware that even after the amputation he had to repel down a 60 FOOT WALL and then hike for miles before someone found him.

I found myself wondering whether or not Ralston possessed some superhuman attribute or whether any person in those conditions and faced with an impending death would find the inner strength. The film doesn't really tackle that question nor does it really let us know who Aron is or why we particularly want him to be rescued other than for a good, old happy ending. We do find out through a sequence of video diaries what is going on in Aron's mind and his regret at keeping people at a distance. Franco is at his best during these moments but they're too few and far between.

I question whether this should have been made as a dramatized version of the events or whether a documentary would have been the better option. The drama is already real enough so why not be able to capture exactly what Ralston was feeling through personal interviews. This would have also allowed perspective from friends and family during his disappearance. Dateline actually constructed a mini-documentary prior to this film's release that is worth checking out and actually more moving than the fictionalized account.

127 Hours is not an enjoyable movie going experience. You will be filled with awe at how someone could survive such an ordeal but the journey is so brutal that by the time the end credits roll you'll wonder if it was worth it to sit through. It serves as almost a film rite of passage or bragging rights to your friends that you were able to make it through without fanning your face with your hands and fainting (I failed both those tests).

In the end I switched off the DVD player with the same feeling of satisfaction and relief that the experience was over as I do leaving the dentist office. Only my DVD player didn't offer me a sticker, floss, a new toothbrush and an encouragement to cry less next time.

Four Nights In October

ESPN's "30 for 30" series was established as a way for 30 different filmmakers to create documentaries on 30 different subjects pertaining to sports in some fashion. Since they're up to something like their 45th film the series may have outlived the usefulness of its name (to be fair 20th Century Fox had the same lack of foresight). However, semantics of the series name aside, it has produced some of the best sports documentaries to date. Ranging on topics such as the events on the Sunday of the O.J. Simpson Bronco chase, Reggie Miller and Spike Lee's verbal sparring, Jordan's stint in minor league baseball, the cautionary tale of the cocaine-induced death of Len Bias and, possibly the best of the lot, "The Two Escobars" which highlighted the strong influence of drug lord Pablo Escobar over Colombian soccer.

My most recent viewing was an enjoyable but brief (like my blogging "career") analysis of the 2004 American League Championship Series during which the Boston Red Sox overcame a 3-0 deficit to win the seven game series against the New York Yankees. This rocked the baseball world in that 1) the Boston Red Sox returned to the World Series after years of an alleged curse stemming from the trade of Babe Ruth 2) a team overcame a 3-0 deficit for the first time in the history of the game 3)the Red Sox beat the Yankees in a playoff series and finally 4) it marked the first time that a left fielder who had urinated behind a left field wall mid-game made it to the World Series.

Pictured: Manny's Fonzie impression and his reaction to the news that steroids are illegal

Anyone who enjoys baseball, an underdog story or any behind the scenes footage of sports as filmed by the players would enjoy spending 50 minutes of their time on this. Even though I am not a Red Sox fan I still have many memories of this series. Most prominent is Boston native and blogger partner Nicholas William Connors running through the halls of our fraternity with his shirt over his head after a Game 7 victory.

I also remember the bloody sock incident in which Curt Schilling pitched a Game 6 victory on a bum ankle that had an ever-growing amount of blood visible on the sock as the game progressed. This visible ailment only added to the impressiveness of his already dominant performance. I'm glad that the filmmaker chose to acknowledge those who said the blood was fake especially since I myself had doubts. After viewing the locker room footage of the ankle before the game I no longer have any doubt.

Pictured: The "holy-hell-did-they-stitch-a-baseball-INTO-your-ankle" opposite of fake

As a bonus this series also gave the nation the added joy of watching Alex Rodriguez stoop so low in competition as to slap the ball out of pitcher Bronson Arroyo's mitt while being tagged. He then proceeded to whine in disbelief that he was called out and the resulting run was called back to third. To think I used to love having him on my Nintendo 64 Ken Griffey Jr baseball team. The most ridiculous and laughable defense A-Rod conjured from the recesses of his brain was that his ball slap (stifles laughter) was part of his natural running motion.

"Get away! Get away! Get away!" This maneuver also works against purse snatchers.

The only thing missing from this story is a nail-biting seventh game. Johnny Damon's two home runs and six RBIs in the first couple frames took care of any late inning drama. Although I'm sure to Red Sox fans no lead was big enough until the game was officially over. I can't imagine the joy and relief. As a Cubs fan I have yet to have my fan moment of the gaggle of silver-back gorillas catapulting off my team's collective backs. It is nice however to live vicariously through the Boston bunch. I will leave any actual Red Sox fan musings to Mr. Connors if he so chooses to elaborate.

This particular documentary would be amusing to anyone except Yankees fans but it's a small sample of how engrossing the "30 for 30" series really is.

I Guess the Queue Had an End (Temporarily)

Greetings reader. I say reader in the theoretical sense given there's little chance that anyone kept checking this site after realizing that nothing new had been posted in nearly a year. Poor to mediocre writing coupled with infrequent posting? Who would have guessed that this blog would not take the world by storm? However, I refuse to admit that the ten dollars I paid last month to renew the domain name was a waste of money so here I am adding content. I could name any excuse for the lack of posting: work, travel, social life, laziness, finishing novel, memory lapse on how to type. But let's not dwell on the past, simply admit that this is somehow your fault as the reader and focus on our relationship moving forward.

I did not stop watching movies in my ten month absence so I will attempt to throw the cinder block on the gas pedal and get caught up to speed with my current queue. Here are some of the highlights.

Dinner for Schmucks: I equate this movie to my feelings on Kevin Costner. I really wanted to like it but it just kept finding ways to let me down more and more. An incredibly talented cast with some of the best comedy actors working today who do manage to make some of the scenes enjoyable. Zach Galifianakis and Jemaine Clement (so good in the recently kaput Flight of the Conchords) steal a couple scenes but in a movie filled with a string of unfunny situational comedy that's not saying much. I would watch Paul Rudd reenact Gigli as a one man show but I don't know that I would devote my time to ever watching this in full again.....pre-1 AM. A stinker that hurts all the more given the wasted potential.

The Fighter: More about meth and unattractive sisters and less about boxing than I anticipated but I still enjoyed it as an underdog boxing movie of sorts. I had high expectations of Christian Bale's performance given that every talking head during awards season wouldn't shut up about it. He still managed to impress me.

Kick-Ass: Holy hell did it ever. An extremely entertaining superhero movie from a different perspective. I'm surprised it wasn't more warmly received by the public in the form of box office receipts but I'm hoping that a sequel is somehow in the works. It even inspired me to become a superhero although this was a giant failure. Apparently a costume consisting of a fanny pack and Old Navy Tech Jacket with the superpower of shrilly yelling "I'm telling my mom" while running away flailing doesn't strike fear into the scourge of the city.

Harry Brown: A geriatric version of Man on Fire with Michael Caine playing an elderly vigilante who's had enough of the young punks in the area lighting dookie on his doorstep. Yes, that's an actual catalyst in the movie. Granted the same teens also deal drugs, commit sex crimes and murder Caine's best friend but still, the flaming poo was the last straw. Standard revenge formula lacking a good ending here but Caine plays it so well that's it's still fun to take the ride.

Animal Kingdom:
Kingdom: Crime family drama
Phylum: Australian
Order: At least three "definitely didn't see that coming" moments
Genus: Ending that makes you want to watch the second half all over again.
Species: More proof I would last less than twelve minutes in a crime family with unsoiled underwear.

One last note on this one: Out of the three Australian actors Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman and Guy Pearce, how is it that Crowe and Jackman are huge stars but Pearce continues to wallow in relative mediocrity despite a solid filmography? Pearce alone makes this worth watching even if understanding the Australian accent is maddening at times.

Red: Bruce Willis plays Bruce Willis. John Malkovich plays a paranoid, violent and extremely funny psychopath. Mary Louise Parker walks around. You had me at "Bruce Willis dryly quips catch phrase before killing numerous thugs."

It's Kind of a Funny Story: Thanks to Zach Galifianakis it was kind of a funny movie. Teen-centric story that explores mostly familiar territory but from the eyes of a wrongly committed teen in a psych ward.

Due Date: Hopes were way too high for this one especially at the teaming of Robert Downey Jr and Galifianakis. It seemed like a half-hearted remake of Planes Trains and Automobiles. That's one movie that should never have needed a remake. The other movie I would say that about is Milo and Otis.....so my opinion means a lot.

And that brings us to my current queue. Let's see which total becomes higher: the number of people who read this site or the number of weeks it takes for me to update this again. Annnnnnnd.......go.

Review: Mystery Team

There are many things that I just can't wrap my (slightly misshaped) head around:

1. Twilight

2. The explanation for Joba Chamberlain's celebrity status (hint: it can't be pitching skill)

3. Why a truly bad-ass character can't be created without the initials J.B. (James Bond, Jason Bourne, Jack Bauer)

4. Why it's perfectly fine for a 1 year old to poop their pants but when I do it my girlfriend suddenly calls it a "deal-breaker"

5. Why girls feel the need to take and post pictures of just their feet on Facebook.

Unless this is a massive collection of leg lamps a la A Christmas Story, I'm not interested

6. Why Mel Gibson is (understandably) a Hollywood pariah but Charlie Sheen can attempt to use his wife like a pin cushion with a butcher knife on Baby Jesus' birthday and Hollywood/"Two and a Half Men" viewers give a collective "meh".

7. How Vampires Suck can see a wide release but a comedy like Mystery Team (trailer here) barely makes a blip on the radar as it's shuffled straight to DVD.

For the sake of time I will only address #7 and save the other issues for my therapist. And by therapist I mean my Justin Timberlake life size cut-out.

The doctor is innnnnnn (fans face with both hands)

Before anyone starts panicking, I'm putting down the glass of scotch and taking out the monacle. This is not me acting as a movie elitist and stating how much more intellectual Mystery Team is compared to other low-brow mindless comedies such as Paul Blart or Grown-Ups. This movie is about as low brow as you can get. Fishing an engagement ring out of feces filled toilet? Check. Drinking dog urine? Oh you know it. The plot centers around three high school seniors who still hang onto their childhood innocence and personalities through their mystery solving team. The shenanigans begin when an 8 year old requests that the team find out who killed her parents which leads them to strip clubs, drug dealers, and grocery clerk snitches.

Yes these are the same jokes as other gross-out comedies that roll through theaters while receiving average box office receipts and critical reviews. The difference is that this film executes the jokes and gags just as well or better its competitors. Hence my confusion as to why it wouldn't receive the chance at a theatrical release. The film does lack any real star power. The film was made by the three guys behind the DerrickComedy website. The closest thing the movie has to a recognizable face is Donald Glover ("Community"). Also making short cameos, albeit funny ones, are Dot Com from "30 Rock" and Matt Walsh otherwise known as "that guy" who pops up in almost every comedy (Old School, The Hangover, Role Models).

You are the utility infielder of comedy, sir.

Maybe the studio gets jumpy greenlighting a comedy for theatrical release if there is neither A) a bankable star B) like Epic Movie or Vampires Suck the film sports jokes parodying well known movies that the studio thinks the audience will blindly love and clap their flippers in approval. In my opinion, American audiences need to be given more credit for appreciating a movie if the concept is solid. Inception is one of the top grossing movies of the summer despite an original and somewhat complex plot. More people flocked to Inception instead of the movie studio's layups of The A-Team or Sex and the City 2.

I suppose the argument could be made that Inception sported a fairly well known cast as well as the biggest director in Hollywood at the moment. But The Hangover had a cast of relative unknowns at the time of its release and cleaned up at the box office more than my Mom vacuuming in front of the TV every time I wanted to play Nintendo. Mystery Team has more than enough laughs and plot to fully sustain an audience in a darkened theater from beginning to end. I'm sure there are financial reasons behind why it was given the direct-to-DVD treatment but it doesn't seem fair that in an industry where so many comedies fall short, this one wasn't even given a chance.

It's not monumental filmmaking but it's a solid comedy that's worth a Netflix rental. Out of a maximum of 5 I would buy the film 3 beers but if things were going well I would hang around and split the bill for a fourth round.

I feel much better now but all the anger still isn't out of my system. In fact, I believe the next compilation list will be "Best Movies Released Directly To DVD". If the timeliness of my articles stays at the status quo, look for it around the time of your kid's high school graduation.