Review: Fast and Furious

I like Paul Walker.

There. Now it's out there.

I don't need to elaborate on why I like him. I probably couldn't even if I wanted to try. He's the Carlos Zambrano of acting. I know he's going to perform horribly but I get my hopes up before every performance thinking this time could be different. I'm aware that he's not the most gifted actor and every character he plays is pretty much exactly the same. Whether it's a quarterback, soldier, government agent, conflicted undercover government agent or some combination of those choices he always plays the stereotypical "cool, tough guy with a slightly sensitive side". Actually, some psychiatrist would probably say that the reason I like him despite his poor acting is because I want to be like the characters he plays. Ouch. Self-revelation stings.

Brief side note tangent: I don't know what clause Paul Walker has in his acting contract that he be allowed to have sex with the female lead on a washing machine but it's happened twice now in Varsity Blues (before Billy Bob gave his dinosaurs a holler) and again in Running Scared.

The Fast and the Furious came out in 2001 to the delight of 16-18 year old boys who wanted to drag race each other out of the parking lot of the movie theater. For me, it meant pushing my 1994 Ford Taurus all the way up to 82 mph on I-65 before the car and my hands started to shake. The movie was a success and naturally the sequels followed. There was 2 Fast 2 Furious which I thought was way too fast yet inadequate on the furious side. The third installment was called Tokyo Drift which I'm pretty sure is the term for a Japanese guy farting on you as he walks by. I could be wrong though since I didn't see the movie. By the time the third movie came out not one of the original actors was left.

Apparently all the acting roles dried up for Michelle Rodriguez, Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, and Jordana Brewster although in fairness I don't think Brewster had any roles since the first movie. They're all back for a fourth round though as you can tell from the poster.



When I first saw the title for Fast and Furious I thought they had made a mini-documentary describing Kingsley's demeanor as he chased me down an alley after Nick lied that I was going to Julie's. Unfortunately, Fast and Furious is just the fourth movie in the car racing franchise. Not much has changed since the last time we saw all of these characters together. Paul Walker is somehow still a government agent. I would love to say this is the movie where he proves me wrong and gives a great performance without woodenly reading his lines but I would be lying.

Michelle Rodriguez is still the extreme, always yelling girlfriend of Vin Diesel. It's sad to see that Vin's character Dom is still suffering from the condition of arm overheating thus preventing him from wearing sleeves....ever. Oh and Brewster is back as Dom's sister to provide emotional support. And by that I mean she's there for Paul Walker to hook up with again. Only this time it's on a kitchen counter. Nice move up from the washing machine Paul. It's quicker access for her to make you a sandwich from there when you're done. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Calm down feminists.

There's not really much to review here in terms of a plot. After splitting from his girlfriend for her own safety, Dom goes off on his own only to discover that his girlfriend has been murdered anyway. This is where Diesel really excels as he spends the remainder of the movie in deep discussions with the other characters regarding the true nature of good and evil along with the futility of a human life. Nah, I'm kidding. He drives cars into people, buildings and other cars while blowing sh*t up. While working as a driver for the drug dealer responsible for Rodriguez's death, he encounters Paul Walker who is also working undercover to bring down the same man. Since both know the other's ulterior motive they're forced to work together and rest assured there will be a bro hug at the end of this.

This is pure summer entertainment and the filmmakers know it. There's never more than 10 minutes of dialogue before another action/chase scene. I've always thought these movies must be easy for the actors to make since all the chase scenes require is to make worried faces, act like they're shifting gears and occasionally look in the rear view mirror. The rest they leave to the stunt drivers. It's nice to see Walker and Diesel accepting their place in the movie food chain making the kind of movie they're good at making and the public wants to see. I could be trite and arrogant in pointing out the weak dialogue and the impossibility of some of the chase scenes (100 mph in an underground labyrinth in the dark?) but who really goes to the summer movies expecting believability?

While I don't live my life a quarter mile at a time (it's actually 32 miles at a time which is the distance of my commute), I can enjoy a good summer popcorn movie. Plus it's Paul Walker so I can't hate it too much. That doesn't save it from an average rating though. I would buy this movie 3 beers. Perhaps 3 Bud Heavys otherwise known as Bud Diesels. Get it? Diesel? Like Vin Diesel? Yeah, yeah I know. Ten minutes on the timeout stool.